When life is going well, it is easy to have gratitude. But what about when your child has been sick or had trouble for weeks (or months); you are physically, mentally and emotionally drained from caregiving, holding down a job and trying to maintain relationships?
It is easy during difficult times to fall into the trap of self pity or creating narratives that the odds are stacked against you, however living with this type of thinking sends your nervous system into a chronic state of fight/flight.
When our nervous systems are in fight/flight, our brainstem believes we are under attack and sends cortisol and adrenaline through our bodies; which creates inflammation and can lead to chronic illness.
Dr. Stephen Porges, who is a distinguished scientist, proposed the Polyvagal Theory in 1994, which links the autonomic nervous system to social behavior and provides a psychological explanation for behavioral problems and psychiatric disorders.
Dr. Porges explains that when you are in a state of gratitude, your nervous system is bathed in cues of safety. When you know that your fear is irrational, you can use “safety cues” to stop panic and keep your body from going into full-blown fight or flight.
Using gratitude as a safety cue is as simple as closing your eyes and visualizing your “happy/safe place”. Close your eyes and imagine an environment where you are completely at ease, content and peaceful. Imagine as much sensory information and detail as you can – sights, sounds and smells. Practice this visualization often, so that when you feel yourself becoming sad or fearful, you can easily conjure up this safety cue.
According to Dr. Porges, another safety cue is a soothing voice, because this phenomenon is hardwired in us. Parents often use these soothing tones instinctively to calm their children down, and an altered soft tone works the same for adults. Guided mediations, either in person or recorded, coax your brain into a relaxed state faster than a normal conversational tone.
Another top expert who has extensively studied the effects of gratitude on the body is Dr. Elissa Epel; who studied the mitochondria of mothers who had a child with a chronic condition. Mitochondria essentially produce energy currency to our cells, serving as batteries to our cellular function.
In her study, Dr. Epel checked the mitochondrial enzymes of mothers in the morning after a moment of stress, and then again in the evening. She found that the people who had the most mitochondrial enzymes had a higher positive affect when they woke up and when they went to bed, especially around bedtime.
Dr. Epel suggests making a simple gratitude list before bed each night to boost mitochondrial enzymes, your body’s ability to rest, digest and repair and work.
Need some help and support? Check out the Oxygen Mask Meditation free online support group for special needs parents where you can find guided meditations, yoga videos and guided breathing exercises to soothe your nervous system and help you develop your own cues of safety.
