Parents and caregivers of special-needs children are especially at risk for heightened stress, loneliness, exhaustion and depression.
With more than 11.2 million children with special health care needs in the United States, or one in five households caring for a special-needs child, the number of parents or caregivers experiencing chronic stress on a daily basis is astronomical.
A study done by Dr. Carmen Caicedo, using the Pediatric Quality of Life Family Impact Module showed that physically, parents were exhausted upon awaking, too tired to participate in activities that they enjoyed, and had little energy to accomplish household chores and tasks.
Mentally, they were frustrated, anxious, and angry; felt helpless and hopeless; had cognitive problems remembering and focusing on tasks; were worried about the child’s medications, treatments, side effects; and were anxious about their child’s future and effect of the child’s condition on other family members. Socially, they felt isolated and that people did not understand their family situation; and they found it hard to talk with others including physicians and nurses.*
If you are a parent or caregiver of a special needs child, the results of this study may sound all too familiar, and you may be wondering what you can do to improve your mental health and outlook on life.
As the parent and caregiver of a precocious 11-year-old girl who has non speaking autism, apraxia and sensory processing disorder, I have become well acquainted with the mental and physical health problems that a special-needs parent can experience over the lifetime of caring for their child.
As a yoga and meditation teacher, I am also well acquainted with how the nervous system works, and have developed a list of tools to help special needs parents reconnect back to self-care in an easy and manageable way.
Ten Essential Self-Care Tips for Special-Needs Parents and Caregivers
- Filter your social media and the online “support groups.”
While online support groups are excellent resources for caregivers to connect with others experiencing similar hardships, “groups” can often incite panic, worry or create unnecessary stress and drama for parents. Turn off all your notifications for new posts within these groups, and consider “unfollowing” the group altogether. If there is a topic or issue you are experiencing with your child, rest assured you can use the search function within the group to locate past posts regarding your issue.
2. Connect with another parent on the phone or in person.
When you’re a caregiver to a special-needs child, nothing compares to connecting with another voice on the other end of the phone or receiving a loving embrace from a parent who understands exactly how you feel. Instead of turning to online support groups, find a local in-person support group that can connect you face to face or voice to voice with another parent.
In order to stop the feelings of isolation, it is paramount that we do not unnecessarily isolate ourselves.
3. Start a short quiet time or meditation practice.
The brain of someone under chronic stress is quite literally wired differently. When experiencing chronic stress, over time, the “fight or flight” portion of the brain grows, and access to the frontal lobe (where we make executive decisions, and demonstrate emotional equanimity) becomes less available. Meditating as little as 9 minutes per day for 8 weeks showed physical changes in brain structure on an MRI. A 2011 study done by Massachusetts General Hospital showed thickening of the cerebral cortex in areas associated with attention and emotional integration.**
4. Go outside and connect with nature.
Spending just a few minutes outside of your stressful environment and connecting with nature can change your entire mindset. Look up at the sky, watch the trees blowing in the wind, or let your bare feet touch the earth. A small change of scenery and few moments in nature may give you the perspective of how small we are compared to the entire universe and nature.
5. Get moving!
As a caregiver, you may not be able to leave your home for a trip to the gym or your local yoga studio, but there is a plethora of online yoga videos for beginners. Stress and sadness can affect us all the way down to our bones and joints because an overproduction of cortisol eventually wears away at our bones and skeletal systems. A few minutes of yoga or mindful movement is not only nourishing for your body, but it also gives your mind a chance to re-set and creates a pathway for sad or depressed energy to leave your body.
6. Nourish yourself.
When we are stressed, overwhelmed and constantly caring for our children, our health starts to become less and less of a priority until we are in an emergency situation. After a long day, the tendency may be to unwind by eating a bag of chips or chocolate, but in the long run, unhealthy eating creates more harm than good. While the occasional treat is OK, for this self-care tip, spend some time making a healthy and nourishing treat, snack or meal for yourself.
My current favorite is this pumpkin pie smoothie.***(scroll to the bottom of this article for the recipe!)
7. Start a new self-care habit that you know you can keep.
What is something small that you can start today, and be absolutely relentless about?
For me, I noticed that spending extra time flossing my teeth three times a day (instead of just one!) was something that only took 60 seconds, yet it made the world of difference to how I felt.
We don’t have to go out and run a marathon, but sometimes just creating a small routine or habit that you can stick to every single day is enough to create positive intention for your self-care habits.
8. Surround yourself with positive sound.
Do you turn on the TV or radio to drown out noise or energy in your home? What do you listen to in your car? What we listen to—even as background noise—contributes to our mental state and level of happiness.
Today there are countless podcasts and audible books centered around uplifting and allowing for more happiness and peace in our lives. If podcasts or books aren’t your thing, try uplifting and positive music.
9. Create small breaks or reminders within your day to stop and breathe.
Did you know that you can tap into your body’s parasympathetic nervous system (the rest and digest function of your body) by changing the way you breathe? Spend some time with your eyes closed and focus on simply breathing in through your nose for a count of four, and then breathe out through your nose for a count of four.
Keeping your inhales and exhales even by using this simple technique, for as little as 2 to 5 minutes a few times a day, will allow you to find small moments to breathe and use the innate wisdom of your breathe.
Bonus tip: Set reminders on your phone a few times per day to take breaks to breathe.
10. Create small and easy rituals.
As a special needs parent or caregiver, you may not be able to take the time to visit a spa or sauna, but you can create small spaces in your home that remind you to take time to enjoy the moment. Find an essential oil you enjoy, a scented candle or even something as simple as a hand lotion that allows you to slow down and spend some time in an act of self-love.
As caregivers and special-needs parents, we are told to place the oxygen mask on ourselves first, and in theory this sounds practical. However, creating space for our self-care does take time and extra creativity.
Sarah Kleiner is a certified yoga teacher and the creator of Oxygen Mask Meditation, an online parent support group that provides free guided meditations and yoga videos, a podcast, parent mentoring and in person workshops. Visit www.oxygenmaskmediation.com for more information.
- Link to study – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25428686
** Link to study – https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2011/01/eight-weeks-to-a-better-brain/
*** Pumpkin Pie smoothie recipe:
1 cup of almond milk
1/2 cup of pumpkin puree
1 scoop of vanilla protein powder (any is fine, but I love bulletproof vanilla collagen)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 banana
Blend for 30 seconds to 1 minute, and top with roasted pumpkin seeds or hemp seeds for a crunch! Enjoy!
